godtalketc

Conversations concerning public expressions and involvement of the evangelical community.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

On July 26th I wrote of a struggle and on August 9th I wrote of an encounter. This week the Lord has used the question of that encounter between Jesus and Peter to bring the struggle to an end. The question, "Do you love me more than these?" began to move within me until I was able to respond in the affirmative, perhaps for the first time in years. The "these" of my struggle is personal and does not need to be disclosed. It remains a mystery known only to God why it is that certain verses I have known my entire life began at a certain point to impact my life in a new and powerful way. I can only say that at a certain time I heard Jesus' question to Peter as if it were being asked to me. Things which I had long held dear I freely gave to God. In my life, the battle with God had narrowed to one particular problem from which I could not move forward without it being reconciled. No doubt, the struggle will re-emerge, perhaps in a new and different form, but I will be able to face it with confidence (in God) rather than defeatism. And, no doubt, new struggles will emerge as God continues to reveal more of "these" to my conscious self. I do feel, however, that this victory came not as a result of the strength of my will, nor even because I recognized the errors of my ways (something I had long realized), but simply because at a certain time and place God chose to grant me the grace to respond to him in obedience and thanksgiving. "For it is God who is at work in you both to will and to do for his good pleasure." Whoever you may be reading this, I continue to seek your prayers and thank you for all responses.