Before addressing the questions previously posed I have a few more personal reflections to share. It is becoming increasingly apparent to me that I simply cannot love God more dearly by effort. I am reminded of P.T. Forsyth's observation that preachers often ask listeners to do that which they simply cannot do. Sermons replete with admonitions to love God more, pray more fervently, be more obedient, etc., drive paritioners either to despair, repeated confessions of guilt, or to finding false solace in religious affirmations that cover the deeper problems of human sin.

But neither am I simply passive in my relationship with God. There is a mysterious symbiotic relationship with God that cannot be fully expressed or explained. Often I do not respond to God's promptings as I think I should; at other times I am moved towards him seemingly without effort at all--I simply discover that I am in a different place than previously. Faith rejoices at such times of discovery because there is the full recognition that no human effort was involved.

These discoveries re-enforce my growing belief that the church needs to be less practical in its approach. God cannot be found through effort, nor through the application of improved techniques. He can only be sought. God alone decides when and how to reveal himself to the human soul.

It has been nearly three months since my last blog. It has been a period of darkness in my soul as I have struggled with the requirements in time and energy from a new job. It is a re-discovery of the difficulty we face of putting into practice the truths we may hold intellectually. I hope that I am once again sensing the Lord's leadership but cannot know myself well enough to be certain. Time alone will tell. If I continue the blog I think it will be with the attempt to construct more fully a description of the shape and form the modern church needs to seek. Just what did Jesus really intend? Is the primacy of Paul legitimate? Or do we need to find a way to incorporate more fully the Gospel accounts into our perspective? Is there a way to escape the grip of institutionalism? Can Jesus be followed in a way less dependent on institutional structures? How would Jesus react to today's church? Would he say something like, "This is not at all what I had in mind. You have simply replaced the old with a new form. Although the words have changed from the old the substance is essentially the same--that of attempting to please God through religious means." More to come, I think.